


Drive

by keysmash_ghost



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Feelings, Friendship, Late Night Conversations, Late Night Driving, M/M, Songfic, could be read as platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keysmash_ghost/pseuds/keysmash_ghost
Summary: "The question came to him as a surprise but he felt like he wanted to know the answer, he wanted to share something with his friend, he wanted Shane to know that he can share his feelings about more sentimental topics as well."You know the feeling when you sit in a car late at night and you just feel everything all at once? Yeah, this is that bullshit in a short story, inspired by the Halsey song with the same title.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	Drive

# Drive

His hands were on the steering wheel, eyes scanning the open road through the small drops on the windshield. Everything was quiet aside from the humming of the engine and the soft pattering of the rain on the roof of the car. He liked the rain; it wasn't as common in California as in Illinois so the sound brought back faded memories from his childhood.

He was tired; it was already past 3 in the morning but he couldn't let himself fall asleep. He turned on the radio and soft music filled the vehicle, the sound from the speakers barely audible over the noise of the water drops hitting the window but it was enough to keep him awake.

The streets were silent as he drove through the outskirts, turning occasionally. He passed by the multitude of subtopian houses; blocks of flats made of concrete and glass. They spoke of different lives and families all sleeping peacefully, maybe even dreaming.

He reached a red light which was completely unnecessary considering that there wasn't a soul on the road at such an hour. But he stopped. He probably wouldn't have at a time like this otherwise but he felt like stopping. He needed a break.

He rested his head at the back of his seat, rubbing his tired, always-sleepy eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath and his gaze travelled to the man sitting in the passenger seat next to him, fast asleep. He took in his features: the dark hair, the suntanned skin that still had the warmth of summer even in the cold air of the autumn night, chest rising and falling with every inhale and exhale fogging up the window.

The light turned green and the radio started playing a song that felt familiar but the tall man in the driver's seat knew he'd never heard it before.

_All we do is drive  
All we do is think about the feelings that we hide_

He drove past an empty Walmart parking lot and he caught the glimpse of the golden arches of a McDonald's, the yellow sign shining in the darkness of the night like a lighthouse. He pulled into the vacant drive-thru and ordered a drink. Caffeine, he needed caffeine.

"Where are we?" came the sleepy voice from the passenger seat and he looked at the dark-haired man who was rubbing his eyes slowly. He must have been woken up by the car stopping.

"Just stopped for a drink. I need something to keep me awake" the tall man answered, his voice rough from not speaking for hours.

"Okay but we're in LA or..."

"Yes, Ryan, we're in LA. Just 40 minutes until home"

"Yeah, okay, cool" Ryan said combing his fingers through his hair that was still wet from the rain. It had been pouring just an hour ago.

They got the drink and pulled out of the drive-thru into the empty streets.

"Sorry for not driving today, Shane, I know you're tired-" Ryan started, feeling slightly guilty.

"Nah, it's fine, at least I slept at the location" interrupted the other.

"Well, _sleep_ is a strong word; I kept you up all night"

"You weren't that bad. It was nothing compared to the Sallie House" he laughed quietly.

They both sat in silence for a while, looking at the road and the passing buildings and Shane took a left turn, his eyes not leaving the road as he sipped on his warm drink. The music on the radio played on and the raindrops on the windshield danced to it in the strange artificial lights.

_All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign  
Sick and full of pride  
All we do is drive_

And something clicked in Ryan. He suddenly had the urge to ask something, to start a conversation, but not about ghosts or the weather or a new movie he’d seen. His mind was still full of fog from a dream and he wanted to dive deep, to ask something that might have a meaning, might bring up emotions. But he needed a sign, something that meant it would be alright to bring up a heavier topic.

_And California never felt like home to me  
And California never felt like home_

The sign arrived.

"Shane?" Ryan said, bringing the other's attention back to him.

"Yeah?"

"I don't wanna sound too serious but… do you feel at home in LA?" the shorter man asked, brown eyes scanning the face of his friend. The question came to him as a surprise but he felt like he wanted to know the answer, he wanted to share something with his friend, he wanted Shane to know that he can share his feelings about more sentimental topics as well.

"When I moved here, I didn't. It felt crowded and way too hot; I felt like my family was too far away. I missed Illinois a lot in the beginning but then I- I just got used to LA. I mean, I have a job here, a flat … friends" he said, looking at Ryan before turning his eyes back to the road. "So I guess it's kinda my home now" he finished with a shrug.

"But you still miss your hometown, right?"

"Yeah but it's not really about the town, it's about the memories that tie you there" said Shane philosophically, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice towards the end of the sentence.

"That sounded way too deep for a conversation at-" Ryan stopped to check the time on his phone "3:52 in the morning."

"Hey, man, you started it! I just answered your question" said Shane, raising a hand beside his head in a defending way.

Ryan just sighed "True".

And there was silence for a while, and they listened to the sound of the rain and the music from the speakers. And soon they were on well-known streets, surrounded by familiar neon signs and trash cans and cracks on the pavement.

"I think you're right though. About this _‘home being not a place’_ thing" started the shorter man.

"What do you mean?"

"I think that memories are not the only things that anchor us to a place but also to the people we love."

“What? You mean like your little ghosts? Is that why you’re afraid something will come home with you?" said Shane with a teasing smile.

“No, and fuck you! I was trying to be sentimental here but you just…” Ryan gestured with his hand, not finishing his sentence. His face was lit by a bright smile; he somehow expected that sentence from Shane.

“I meant that my family lives here, my friends live here, so I call this city my home. But your family doesn't live here, so you don't feel like it's exactly your home” he finished.

“That’s not really true. To me California will never be a place that I’ll call home but Illinois isn’t home either” Shane said and he realized that the sentence sounded sad even if it wasn’t intended to be.

“So where’s your home?” asked Ryan, suddenly very focused on Shane’s face as if he was searching for something.

“It’s not a where, I guess. It’s more like a who, or a what… I don’t know how to explain it really” he sighed. “It’s just wherever and whenever I feel happy. It’s the feeling when I go home after a long day of work to watch Netflix, or when we go out to try out a new place to eat lunch, or… hell, even when we’re in one of those shitty places you think are haunted. Home is just, the feeling of… peace? Comfort? I don’t know”

The other man didn’t say anything, just sat in silence, staring into the nothingness in front of him but not quite looking at anything. And the white noise of the rain filled the vehicle again.

“I- I think I understand” he finally said, looking up at his friend with a smile.

“Do you?” asked Shane, stopping at a cross road for a moment, his eyes looking at Ryan with something deep that neither of them understood. A mix of unexplainable emotions, something you could only feel during an early sunrise or in the middle of a rainy car ride like this one. And Ryan felt something turning in his stomach, a small feeling of pride that his friend trusted him enough to look vulnerable in a way, to display the emotions he so rarely shared with the world. It wasn’t because Shane didn’t feel a thing; he just liked to keep most personal things to himself.

“Yeah, it’s just complicated to explain. This whole thing is just very… _Shane_ of you, I guess. It’s difficult to explain but it’s not so hard to understand” the shorter man said with a yawn.

Shane just shrugged with a small smile, his hands firmly on the steering wheel as they passed by closed department stores, Chinese buffets and stationeries’. And in the light of the dim “closed” signs and the cold glow of the streetlights he felt something change. It wasn’t a big change, just something barely noticeable; a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it feeling but it made him feel a soft happiness you’d feel under the warm covers on a winter morning with a cup of coffee in your hands.

_And California never felt like home to me  
Until I had you on the open road_

They stopped in front of Ryan’s apartment.

“Well, we’re here. Do you need help with the luggage?” Shane asked.

“Nah, I only have my bag” dismissed Ryan.

“And the camera with the stand, and the backpack with the batteries and the spirit box…” listed the other.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll be fine, it‘s not that much” replied the shorter man as he got out of the car into the rain. He went around the vehicle to the trunk and gathered his stuff before he went back to the open passenger door.

“You see, it’s all good” he said to his friend.

“Sure. You know, I just wanted to help. Guess I won’t ask next time you have _two_ suitcases at the airport” Shane smiled, his words slightly teasing but his eyes soft and tired.

“Yeah, yeah… Goodnight, Shane” said Ryan but he didn’t move.

“Goodnight” said Shane but he didn’t tell the other to move. They had all the time in the world.

They stared at each other for a second or two like that, both feeling the warmth of this shared moment, a mutual understanding of confusing emotions in the rainy autumn night with Ryan’s face half illuminated by the purple glow of a nearby neon light and Shane covered in the mushy shadows of the car. And Ryan felt like he needed to tell Shane that he cared about him, that he was a good friend, even if the other man already knew what he wanted to say.

“Hey, Shane?”

“Yeah?” he asked on a hopeful voice, even though he didn’t know what he was hoping for.

“Drive home safely”

“I will”

And with that Ryan closed the door and Shane watched as he disappeared into the building. Then he pulled onto the road and drove down the empty streets of LA. And everything was quiet aside from the humming of the engine and the beating of his heart filled with saturated pinks and purples.


End file.
